Beep beep. Beep Beep. I frowned as I fumbled for my terminal. Who is calling me at this hour? Okay, fine, it’s technically 9pm as I glanced at the clock, but that doesn’t mean I like people disturbing my sleep.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice a little more groggy than I wanted it to be, “Who’s that?”
“Hey Kaidan?” A familiar voice drifted from the terminal, “I’m sorry, did I disturb you?”
“Oh, it’s you, Doctor Amethia.” I sat up, rubbing my eyes, “It’s okay, what’s up?”
“I just saw the news!” She squealed and I cringed a little. “You are going to be a Spectre! Why didn’t you tell me earlier in the hospital?!”
“Erm… Yea, I kind of just decided. I wasn’t sure so I didn’t mention it.” I tried to reply politely, rubbing my temples.
Doctor Amethia was someone my marine friend introduced to me at Flux when I was trying to get absolutely wasted 3 years back. I was trying to drown out the repeated dreams of Shepard after the Normandy crash. She also turns out to be the lead doctor of the Biotic division that I’m now in charge. Talking to Amethia helps a little. She obviously knows how much Shepard’s death affects me, so she doesn’t ever mention her during our conversations. It was a good distraction but I don’t particularly like or dislike her. If there’s any feelings involved, it would only be friendship and guilt. I feel like I used her just to get over Shepard’s death, even though I really only hang out with her privately for a few times over the years. I tried to keep it as professional as possible.
“We need to celebrate!” Her higher pitch tone snapped me back to reality. She grinned widely, “Want to meet up for dinner at Apollo’s? I know the boss there so we could get good seats!” I was about to decline when she continued, “Come on, I did nursed you back to health! You do owe me a dinner for that!”
“Okay, okay.” I said, smiling a little defeatedly. “See you at 10?” She grinned, said a giddy yes, the call ended. I slowly walked towards the shower and my stomach chose to growl at this moment. I shrugged. Might as well.
I appeared at Apollo’s café at 10 sharp, in a decent pair of black pants, with a properly ironed blue collared shirt. I strongly believe in dressing up than down when meeting a lady. It’s more respectful to her that way.
“Kaidan, over here!” Doctor Amethia waved, she was sitting right next to the balcony that overlooks the Presidum fountain. She sure wasn’t kidding when she said it’s good seats. It’s such a beautiful sight that I wish Shepard is here to see it with me.
“You are such a sight for sore-eyes!” She giggled as I sat down. “They have really good steak here.” And my stomach growled in response to that. Way to go for making me embarrassed, stupid stomach. And it growled a little louder in defiance.
She laughed and waved for the waiter.
As we settled in nicely, enjoying the view and the food, she talked about how proud she is to know a Spectre and how her little pet experiments on me helped to draw up her new thesis.
“Is that what those disgusting concoctions that you forced me to drink were for?” I laid down my utensils as I finished through my third steak. “To test out whether there are any adverse side effects on migraines?”
“Awww, come on! Those concoctions are beneficial at best, harmless at worst. I would never made you drink in anything that would make your migraines worst. I just won’t reveal the ingredients no matter how much you begged.” Her giggling eased and she looked at me seriously, “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
Uh-oh, I know her when she asked this way. It’s definitely going to be tricky. “Sure, talk to me.” I picked up my glass of wine to drink, trying to ease my nerves.
“Was the red-haired lady who visited you this Tuesday, the famous Commander Shepard?” I almost spilled my drink at that. “So she is!” She exclaimed, leaning back in defeat while crossing her arms.
Wine in my nostrils isn’t fun.
“Weren’t you off on Tuesdays?” I asked, trying to sidestep the question. I wasn’t sure how much civilians should know that Shepard is still alive. With all the ongoing rumors of her and Cerberus.
“I was, but I came by to pick up my test results and to feed you your last dose of concoction before you get discharged.” As if the lemon in her drink had gotten extremely offending, she proceeded to kept poking it to death with her straw. She continued, “You know how Huerta Hospital wards are. They aren’t exactly private when the walls are see-through.”
I gulped the rest of the wine down and settled it gently on the table. After some thought, I looked straight into her eyes and said, “…Yes, she is.” No use hiding it, I decided. Thinking it’s a good chance to bring it up, I thought of the best way to put it across. “I knew she was alive when I was posted to Horizon last year.”
“I guess I don’t need to ask why she’s still alive, must be classified and all. But… Is she… still important to you? I mean, not just because she’s your CO, but important in your life?” She asked as she straightened up for my answer.
I know Doctor Amethia have certain feelings for me, but I was a coward. I have gently tried to nudge her in the direction that I didn’t have any special feelings for her, but she chose to ignore all those signals. Once when I tried to decline her politely, she would squeeze her eyes shut and covered her ears, muttering about how she couldn’t hear what I’m saying. So I know what she truly meant by that question.
“…Yes, she is important to me.” I tried to answer carefully, “Be it now, or 3 years back. I never really truly got over her. I don’t think I will ever be. Amethia, I –“
Amethia hold up her hand to ask me to stop. She proceeded to pour herself a full glass of wine and gulped it all down. She looked at me with a pained expression. She blinked it away and looked down on her glass before she continued, “I knew it. I just chose not to face the facts. No matter where I take you out on the Citadel, you always seem so lost in thought, perhaps drunk in the memory of her.”
She looked at my puzzled reaction, poured herself another glass and drank it all, “You mean you didn’t notice?” She laughed at that mockingly, “I know. Of course I know. I always have my eyes on you. The way you looked out at the view at Zakera Wards. Your pained expression whenever people mentioned about the Heroine of the Citadel, the great Magdalene Shepard. Even more recently, the way you looked at her when she came to visit you at the hospital.”
“I never get that tender expression of yours, even when I hang on to you desperately through these years. I know you are careful not to say anything to lead me on, but I always hoped that you can get over her and looked at the person who’s accompanying you all along.” She sighed deeply and finished her 3rd glass of wine. “…But she came back.”
She paused for a moment, willing herself not to cry. “I know humanity and the galaxy needs her now more than ever but…” She trails off with a sad expression. “As I was standing outside your ward looking at both of you talking…. I… I realize I was never even in the picture in the first place…”
“Seriously…” She laughed bitterly, “You two should get a room and snog it off.” She wiped away her tears and forced a smile, “I will be okay, Kaidan.” She gently pat my hand, “So don’t look so guilty. I was just holding all these in for 3 years and it’s hell of a high time for me to scream at you for being so ignorant.”
“I’m sorry.” I muttered, feeling intensely guilty at this moment.
“Don’t you know me better than simply saying Sorry?”
“…Thank you, Amethia.” There’s nothing much I could say at this point for fear of hurting her. I can only squeeze her hand and repeat, “Thank you.”
“That’s better. Now that we get it out of the way…” She sniffed and resumed her cheerful guise, “What should I wear for your important ceremony?” She gave me a look and said indignantly, “What? I’m not even entitled to go to your inauguration as a friend and fellow colleague?”
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